So you finally decided that you truly want to divorce from your “supposedly” life partner. The relationship has deteriorated to a point of no return and you want out.

While married, you lived like an ordinary married life. You had children — you participated in their activities; you helped with homework, you volunteered for the school, you watched their artistic performances and sports competition, you took them to the ballet and instrument lessons, you met their friends’ parents and shared some great stories, you carpooled and so on.

You had a joint bank account — without even thinking, you shared the expenses for the household, children’s activities, vacations, family outings, clothes, medical expenses, braces, and so on. You bought a house, cars and other good stuff for the enjoyment of all; you may even have given your children the gift of a private education.

You had a house — you shared the delights and the responsibilities of being a homeowner; you did chores, you shared in the maintenance of this beautiful place, in its decoration, in the placement of your beautiful furniture, in paying the utility bills and taxes.

You made sure that the yard was as beautiful as your living room, you had a garden, you called the plumber and electrician when needed, you maintained the vents for air conditioning and heating in good shape and did everything else in your power to have a happy home.

You had a good social life. You had good friends; you welcomed your spouse’s friends as your own, you had dinners and birthday parties; you visited others as they visited you; you went out to clubs and restaurants, you were a member of a club, perhaps, where the two of you shared many experiences with others, and son on.

You had a great family life. Even if not perfect, you dealt well with your in-laws, you had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, you spent time together, you exchanged presents, you shared laughter and tears, you celebrated birthdays and mourned deaths.

You had a good leisure life: you went to the theatre, you watched films and some especial TV programs, you went to concerts, you played tennis and other sports, and you shared a hobby, among other things.

In sum you had a great ordinary life, with its highs and lows. You lived “for better and for worse” as you thought you should. Now you realized that you have grown apart and that the company of your spouse is no longer a pleasure. You have learned to live your own life, you refuse to share the bed, and you want nothing to do with this person with whom you have shared your life.

You have learned to disrespect, to despise, and to hate. This very being who was once the perfect life partner is now an unknown person and you couldn’t care less whether this person is happy or whether this person is living in hell. You are done.

You have reached the dreadful point of no return and no matter what you hear about divorcing is not going to convince you to stay in such a rotten relationship.

Very well.

But think about it for a moment: are you absolutely sure this is the best course of action? Of course, the relationship as it was no longer exists. But, can you find a way to change this relationship and create a different one where no one will be sacrificed?

Think about what you are about to lose if you divorce: your children full time, your family life, your house, your friends, your financial security and shared expenses, and your lifestyle. In sum, everything. Is this a price you are willing to pay?

Now, consider the following: are you ready to see a once perfect partner become your deadly enemy? Have you thought about what kinds of cruelty you will be inflicted upon by someone with whom you were once intimate? Because this is what usually happens when there is a break up, especially when there is bitterness. Your spouse might lose civility and will become a nightmare for sure.

Now, forget everything you are going to lose. You certainly can deal with them. But can your children? Can you see your children losing most, if not all the privileges there are accustomed to because your lifestyle will take a dip in several areas? Can you now trust your spouse to care for your children part of the year, when you are not present to control damages?

Can you let go of all that is very dear to you because of your inability to see the house for the bushes? Or do you think you could give a try and re-create a relationship for the sake of everyone’s well-being? It is possible, you know.

Think about it.

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