Divorce: Doing the Right Thing for the Children
Divorce is a difficult set of cards to manage; no matter who you are, what your reasons are for leaving, or how amicable your divorce is. It is difficult enough to give up on your “happily ever after” dreams, but to accept the broken pieces of your family unit is even more of a challenge.
The most difficult thing about divorce involving children is that you are now forced to continue a relationship with someone you either don’t get along with or that doesn’t function in the same way as you. On top of that, as easy as it would be to simply part ways, there is more than a property to settle on.
Studies have shown that divorce is not traumatic for children. Yet it is what occurs after the divorce that creates a traumatic experience. Being truly loved by both parents, regardless of whether they live under the same roof or not, is what affects them most.
But how do you stay focused on that love when you have a mix of emotions on a daily basis? How do you remove yourself from the upset that your ex-spouse imposes upon you? It’s challenging, but can be done by breaking down the simple steps of becoming co-parents:
1- Remind yourself daily that your job as a parent has not changed.
2- Visualize your role as co-parents with two hands out in front of you. Hands that will hold different things. One hand will hold the emotions you feel, while the other will hold what you will do. Close the emotional hand tightly and do what the other hand tells you to do, accepting that they won’t be the same any longer.
3- If you have anger for your ex-spouse, compartmentalize it and keep visualizing your children’s’ faces. These are the lives that you are impacting now.
4- Remember that even though you don’t need your ex-spouse, your children do.
5- Accept that the things that bother you about your ex-spouse are not things that bother your children.
Different can be good or bad, but you can impact the direction it goes. If it’s going to be different anyway, why not choose to make it something better than it has ever been? And when things seem really, really hard, look deep into those children’s eyes and remember who you are for them as a parent.
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Lesley Moore is President and Owner of LifeScope, Life and Executive Coaching. She specializes in working with individuals in transition, empowering them to create a life they love and with professionals to help them bridge the gap between expectation and performance. She is a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Journalism and has studied coaching through the Mentor Coach Program, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. For more information about Life and Executive Coaching, visit her website at http://www.LifeScopeCoach.com or e-mail her at lessmore4@comcast.net. Tip! I have been divorced at least 6 months, or separated more than 1 year. 2.
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