Divorce: Why Children Need the Love of Both Parents
The divorce papers have been signed, your lives have become separate and it is time to move on. The question is: how much time will the children spend with each parent? As much as you know that your children should have equal time with both parents, you have seen your ex’s behavior one too many times and know this is not good for the children. Or is it?
As long as both parents are offering a safe and loving environment, children will benefit most from having both of them involved in their lives. Even if each parent chooses to parent differently.
Although difficult to see when submerged in it, there are two sides to every story and your story is no different. That is why he has such a different story than she does. Remember that if the two of you were able to see eye to eye on life in general, you would still be together. Also keep in mind that simply because you don’t see things the same doesn’t mean one of you is more or less capable of raising your children.
In your heart, even when you know sharing custody is the best thing, your fury of emotions make it difficult to stay focused on what’s best.
Here are some things you can focus on:
1- Your children do need both of you as parents.
2- There are many ways to parent, but the most important part is offering your love.
3- Your children will have a new and different relationship with your ex-spouse.
4- It is not your job to control how he/she parents.
5- Parenting that is different from yours is not bad, just different.
6- Enabling your children to be with your ex-spouse will give you an emotional break you also need.
7- Giving up the desire to control the way your ex-spouse behaves will give you more time to focus on yourself.
8- An absent parent leads to a lifetime of dealing with a missing in ones’ life. One that you don’t want to be responsible for.
The last one on the list is critical. If what you truly want is the best for your children, do the right thing…for them. Even if it means compromising your own emotions and giving up the power to be right. Do it. Do whatever you have to do to have your children experience the love they have from mom and dad. They deserve it and you owe it to them. Allow them to have exactly what you have wanted all of your life…happiness.
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Lesley Moore is President and Owner of LifeScope, Life and Executive Coaching. She specializes in working with individuals in transition, empowering them to create a life they love and with professionals to help them bridge the gap between expectation and performance. She is a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Journalism and has studied coaching through the Mentor Coach Program, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. For more information about Life and Executive Coaching, visit her website at http://www.LifeScopeCoach.com or e-mail her at lessmore4@comcast.net Tip! Failure to secure a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (Quadro) in the event of a 401K or other tax impacted investment that is divided in the divorce. If you don’t do the right thing, huge tax penalties can be imposed on taking money out of IRAs, 401Ks, or Annuities.
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