Protecting your credit before the divorce

A looming divorce can be stressful on anyone and in the heat of the moment people who once shared love and respect can do terrible hurtful things to each other. If care is not taken during this stressful time, divorcees can find themselves in hot water later on down the track, worse still it is possible that serious damage can be done to an individual’s credit rating. It is in your best interest to make sure that your credit and good name are protected before, during and after divorce. By taking a few precautionary steps, and having a solid understanding of the way your accounts work, before the divorce begins will mean that a recent divorcee wont have quite so many pieces to pick up after the divorce is over.Plan ahead and nip any chance of damage to your credit in the bud, before it gets serious.

Understanding Your Accounts

There are two main types of accounts. These are called individual and joint and we will address them in detail in the course of this article. One person owns an individual account and, in order to have the account, that person’s income, assets and credit file are used as a decider of whether the person is eligible. The lending institution does not factor the possibility of a partner into the person’s financial obligations or assets when deciding to give an applicant an individual credit account. What this essentially means is that the person who owns the account is responsible for the payment of the account, not a second party. This individual account will be noted in your credit history and never in your partners if they are not the holder of the individual account. Always research the situation because this is where things can get tricky. If you live in a community property state, all debts, regardless of their type, are included as joint responsibility while two people are married. This means that if you are married and your partner has an individual account on which a large debt is owed, even though you are not responsible for the debt, it becomes your responsibility anyway. Even worse, this debt will be included in your credit report, which can be damaging if your partner doesn’t pay it. An individual account can have its good points as well as bad. If you don’t work or have a very low income, it can be difficult to get credit because your income won’t support it. Some times, in this situation, the only way to get credit is to be included or include your partner on the account or start a joint account together.

Individual accounts and authorized users

If you have already got an individual account, it is possible to add an authorized user. An authorized user is someone that has access to your account at his or her convenience. But keep in mind that if you include another person in your individual account, you are still the only person who is responsible for the account. This means that any debts that are owed are the account holder’s responsibility, not the authorized user that has been included.

Joint Accounts

If married couples apply for credit together, then they are jointly responsible for any debt that is incurred on the account. While things are going well in a relationship, this form of credit account can be ideal. The chances of getting credit are more likely because both parties can offer assets and income to the deal. The problem with joint accounts is that when a couple decide to divorce, it is possible that your partner may run up a huge bill, or stop paying their share of the payments that you both are responsible for. If payments on the account aren’t made, then this could ruin your credit.

How to protect yourself

With an individual account that has an authorized user, the holder of the account should immediately request that the authorized user be removed from the account and that their card be revoked. Because you are the primary cardholder, you are completely within your rights to do this. If you have a joint account you should request that the account be closed immediately before any damage can be done. If there is a balance owing on the account, then you should request that half of the balance be put into an individual account for each person. A lending institution is not allowed to close an account simply because a married couple have divorced or are contemplating divorce. However, if one of the people in the couple requests that the account be closed, then the lending institution is allowed to make the changes. If divorce is on the horizon, it is important to address this issue immediately since lending institutions are not required to change joint accounts to individual ones, but may choose to do so at their own discretion. Lending institutions may request that each party re-apply for their credit accounts again. If this happens, it is possible that the lending institution may deny credit to one or both of the account holders if their income is insufficient or their credit report is blemished.

Prevention, the best cure

If divorce is looming for a couple, the best thing to remember is that prevention is the best cure. By closing accounts or removing authorized users, it gives you a better chance at keeping your credit intact and on track. If you can talk to your partner, then try to resolve credit issues and make changes to your accounts. Whether or not you can talk to your partner, you should make fair and reasonable plans that keep both yours and your partner’s best interest at heart. It is also important to remember that if you are required to pay debts incurred on credit and the payments are not made on time, then you run the risk of these appearing on your credit report. Once you have ruined your credit rating, it takes a long time and a lot of hard work to repair it. Keep your credit survival in mind and prevent problems before they occur.

So you finally decided that you truly want to divorce from your “supposedly” life partner. The relationship has deteriorated to a point of no return and you want out.

While married, you lived like an ordinary married life. You had children — you participated in their activities; you helped with homework, you volunteered for the school, you watched their artistic performances and sports competition, you took them to the ballet and instrument lessons, you met their friends’ parents and shared some great stories, you carpooled and so on.

You had a joint bank account — without even thinking, you shared the expenses for the household, children’s activities, vacations, family outings, clothes, medical expenses, braces, and so on. You bought a house, cars and other good stuff for the enjoyment of all; you may even have given your children the gift of a private education.

You had a house — you shared the delights and the responsibilities of being a homeowner; you did chores, you shared in the maintenance of this beautiful place, in its decoration, in the placement of your beautiful furniture, in paying the utility bills and taxes.

You made sure that the yard was as beautiful as your living room, you had a garden, you called the plumber and electrician when needed, you maintained the vents for air conditioning and heating in good shape and did everything else in your power to have a happy home.

You had a good social life. You had good friends; you welcomed your spouse’s friends as your own, you had dinners and birthday parties; you visited others as they visited you; you went out to clubs and restaurants, you were a member of a club, perhaps, where the two of you shared many experiences with others, and son on.

You had a great family life. Even if not perfect, you dealt well with your in-laws, you had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, you spent time together, you exchanged presents, you shared laughter and tears, you celebrated birthdays and mourned deaths.

You had a good leisure life: you went to the theatre, you watched films and some especial TV programs, you went to concerts, you played tennis and other sports, and you shared a hobby, among other things.

In sum you had a great ordinary life, with its highs and lows. You lived “for better and for worse” as you thought you should. Now you realized that you have grown apart and that the company of your spouse is no longer a pleasure. You have learned to live your own life, you refuse to share the bed, and you want nothing to do with this person with whom you have shared your life.

You have learned to disrespect, to despise, and to hate. This very being who was once the perfect life partner is now an unknown person and you couldn’t care less whether this person is happy or whether this person is living in hell. You are done.

You have reached the dreadful point of no return and no matter what you hear about divorcing is not going to convince you to stay in such a rotten relationship.

Very well.

But think about it for a moment: are you absolutely sure this is the best course of action? Of course, the relationship as it was no longer exists. But, can you find a way to change this relationship and create a different one where no one will be sacrificed?

Think about what you are about to lose if you divorce: your children full time, your family life, your house, your friends, your financial security and shared expenses, and your lifestyle. In sum, everything. Is this a price you are willing to pay?

Now, consider the following: are you ready to see a once perfect partner become your deadly enemy? Have you thought about what kinds of cruelty you will be inflicted upon by someone with whom you were once intimate? Because this is what usually happens when there is a break up, especially when there is bitterness. Your spouse might lose civility and will become a nightmare for sure.

Now, forget everything you are going to lose. You certainly can deal with them. But can your children? Can you see your children losing most, if not all the privileges there are accustomed to because your lifestyle will take a dip in several areas? Can you now trust your spouse to care for your children part of the year, when you are not present to control damages?

Can you let go of all that is very dear to you because of your inability to see the house for the bushes? Or do you think you could give a try and re-create a relationship for the sake of everyone’s well-being? It is possible, you know.

Think about it.

While divorce is a trying time - both financially and emotionally - studies show that mediation leads to a much more satisfactory outcome for all parties involved. Mediation is a process where a neutral third party sits down with both spouses, and helps them work through all aspects of their divorce. This includes the allocation of assets, issues related to child custody, alimony and more.

According to the Colorado-based law firm of Hull & Zimmerman, mediation is the preferred route to take because it allows both parties to communicate their feelings and concerns in an honest — yet respectful — manner. By “getting it all out in the open,” the chances of long-term satisfaction for all parties is greatly increased.

In Colorado, divorce occurs after one spouse files a Petition and sends a Summons to the other spouse. Or, both spouses may file jointly. Regardless, there is a mandatory waiting period of 90 days. During this interim period, the arrangements of the divorce are worked on. If the divorce is amicable, an agreement is submitted to the court, and the divorce is finalized.

If, however, there is a dispute, the process can take much longer. That’s where a mediator can be helpful.

Regardless of the specifics of a divorce, it’s always a good idea to have an attorney on your side. At the very least, an attorney can help you and your spouse find qualified mediation. If the divorce is hostile, an attorney can help you fight for your rights.

Divorce is never pleasant, but it doesn’t have to become overly nasty. An attorney can help keep things fair and civil.

There are many things to consider before embarking on a divorce. Many of these concern financial and long term goal alterations. What happens with the home? With retirement funding? What about the children, their welfare, and future financial needs? Will there be complications with property, assets, taxes, and liens? Will you hire a lawyer to draw up papers and handle the negotiating, or will you do most of the work yourself? Do you have a consultant or good friend to guide you through all this?

WHEW ! Even though the above examples were financial considerations, I’m sure you agree that each subject will carry with it some form of emotional difficulty.

Today I want to focus on a separate angle of emotional consideration before the divorce is made (if possible). This affects whether or not you need and want to still divorce. It also influences your future relationships regardless with whom you connect. The subject that truly must be addressed is: Emotional Healing.

Hey ! Everybody wants a great relationship - right? Well, the more we have stored up in the way of unfinished or unspoken emotions and business - the more we are unavailable and incapable to truly connect, find satisfaction, and experience fulfillment within our connections with other people.

As you know most divorces are built on walls of negative emotions such as (years of) pain, frustration, anger, resentment, jealousy, guilt, and misunderstandings. Living with unresolved emotions like these is like knowing you have toxic waste inside your body and knowing you can clear it out — so DO IT ! There are several options for accomplishing your emotional healing: a few follow.

Therapy can be fantastic for many people. The talking and sharing bring about new understandings over a period of time. This approach has worked for years. Check your local listings, ask questions, find the style and technique that will work for you. Coaching is a newer option that some choose. In coaching, individuals are given assignments which will uncover what is truly at the core, help them get honest, and make decisions from an authentic place. Spiritual counseling is another avenue that can help reframe the issues within a couple’s own context of who they are at a deeper level and by the principles through which they have committed to align their lives. Finally, there are also seminars, retreats and at-home retreat packages that raise issues, guide you to a clearer understanding of yourself, help you take ownership, allow you to move forward with more integrity and in emotional freedom.

Which ever path suits you best, I encourage you to investigate that option and engage yourself within it before cutting ties and believing that once the papers are done and signed life will just pick up afresh and anew. Give yourself the best gift of all: a clean heart and a freedom you may not have experienced in years. This way, whether you divorce or not you will be truly able to again feel satisfied and connected when relating to the one you love.

Until next time— all the best,
Kate

During the course of our lives we meet thousands of people. Some just pass by, some stay for a little while and some stay for a long time. No encounter lacks meaning. In any case, everyone comes to teach us something or to learn something. We can call them friends.

Friends are a lot of fun. We learn to have a grand time and treat them with intimacy. We share experiences and we grow from the relationship. They touch our souls.

Though many friends come and go throughout our lives, some of them remain close to us for a long time. From those, we find one or two that are truly our soul mates, even though we remain basically different in our core.

Friends are accepting; they make us feel comfortable. Friends are sincere: they will tell us when we are getting out of line. Friends are our angels in physical from: they see the big picture and give us objective advice. Friends care for us, root for us, support us, and share our history.

Friends are our lovers in the true sense of the word. Love is deep, touching, trusting, and all forgiving. Because there is true love and no sex is involved in the relationship, friendships are free from negative emotions. You probably have noticed that sex is a major disruptor in many a relationship.

Friendships are very freeing. And fun!

Sometimes, though, you realize that your friend is subtly and slowly but surely distancing from you. You realize there is a change. What used to be a reciprocal relationship has become a one way street. You feel like each time you throw a boomerang it doesn’t come back. It gets lost somewhere. You feel you are giving but not receiving.

Sometimes people go through stages and yes, if a friend becomes estranged you must give them space. You give space and maintain your communication channels open. Eventually, they come back. However, sometimes the space becomes a vacuum and sooner or later you realized that the void cannot be filled.

It is time to get a divorce.

Divorcing friends, like divorcing mates can be truly traumatic and devastating. However, in this case, the love never dies. A true friend will never betray will and consequently, there will never be a need to transform the person into an enemy, as it so often happens with couples.

How do you divorce your friend who has been a great part of your history for so long? Here are my suggestions:

1. Make a list of the things you truly appreciate about the person.

2. Make a list of all that you have noticed that has been happening between the two of you.

3. Write down a list of reasons for the separation.

4. Speak with your friend and present your list.

5. Announce your decision to get a “divorce.”

6. Tell them how much their friendship has meant to you.

7. Apologize for anything that you have done that may have insulted or hurt them.

8. Give them the chance to apologize, if needed.

9. Part your ways and never burn bridges.

10. Remember to experience the loss of a great relationship.

11. Mourn.

12. Live your life as best as you can. You will be all right.

13. When a time comes and an occasion demands, get in touch again.

14. Be interested, listen to the person, and then let them go.

15. Again, and again, and again.

You will feel liberated.

The idea of happily ever after when you say “I do” the first time is only the reality for about half of couples. The rest of the individuals get divorced for many reasons. Some couples divorce because they were never really in love, some due to infidelity, and others because of financial problems, and still others due to other various issues. For all of these individuals who do not have successful marriages the world does not end and their opportunities for finding true love and a successful relationship do not either. In fact, after a divorce an individual might be more prepared for a new relationship once they have healed because they are experienced and know better what to do and not to do in a relationship. Consider the following tips to help you find love after a divorce.

Tip #1 There are Lots of Fish in the Sea
Certainly when you were younger and experienced a breakup or the person of your dreams was not interested in you then you heard your mom or dad tell you that there were lots of fish in the sea. This advice is true because there are millions of men and women all over the world and a small percentage of them are exactly what you are looking for. This is to say that there is more than one person in the world that meets your standards and can make you happy. There are so many women or men that you could be happy with that you should not simply give up after a divorce because there are many more men or women you can share your life with happily.

Tip #2 Take Time to Grieve
When your relationship ends in divorce, no matter whether it is your choice or not, you need to take time to grieve. There are a lot of feelings involved in the end of a marriage and it is very important to work these out before moving. Otherwise, you might ruin other relationships because you have not properly dealt with your feelings from the last. Simply take time, reflect, and deal with your feelings whatever they are. You might be sad, angry, devastated, hurt, and many others. Just be sure you give yourself time to deal with these feelings before moving on. That way, when you do find a new individual to love you will be really ready to give them your all.

When you are ready to move on and find another relationship you will know it and you can rest assured that you have put your feelings to rest from your past relationship. Divorce might be the end of a relationship, but it does not have to be the end of your life. So, take your time for yourself, enjoy some things you may have left behind over the years, and then get back in the dating pool and you will find love again. Guaranteed!

Los Angeles is currently the largest city in California and its County, Los Angeles County, has over 10,000 Los Angeles attorneys (or Los Angeles lawyers) registered with the State Bar of California. Other popular cities within Los Angeles County are Agoura Hills, Arcadia, Artesia, Bellflower, Beverly Hills, Brentwood, Calabasas, City of Industry, Claremont, Covina, Culver City, Diamond Bar, Downey, Encino, Glendale, Glendora, Granada Hills, Hidden Hills, La Mirada, Lakewood, Lancaster, Long Beach, Los Angeles, Manhattan Beach, Monrovia, North Hollywood, Northridge, Norwalk, Pacific Palisades, Palmdale, Pasadena, Pomona, Rancho Palos Verde, Redondo Beach, Rolling Hills, Santa Clarita, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Tarzana, Torrance, Universal City, Valencia, Van Nuys, Whittier, Woodland Hills, and others. With so many practicing attorneys in Los Angeles County, how do you find the right Los Angeles divorce attorney (or Los Angeles divorce lawyer) who can help you with your particular divorce case and/or child custody case?

An experienced Los Angeles divorce lawyer should have experience and legal expertise in the field of family law. Family law covers a variety of topics such as divorce or dissolution of marriage, paternity, domestic partnerships, child custody and visitation, domestic violence, restraining orders, spousal support, child support, guardianship, adoptions, community property, division of property, and more. Some divorce attorneys may specialize or have more experience in specific areas of family law. For example, Los Angeles currently has approximately 250 Certified Family Law Specialists (CFLS) registered with the State Bar of California. Such Los Angeles attorney’s have made efforts to become State Bar certified in the field of family law. In other words, of over 10,000 Los Angeles attorneys in California, only 250 are Certified Family Law Specialists (CFLS). However, just because an attorney is not a Certified Family Law Specialist does not mean he/she is not qualified and/or experienced in the field of family law, divorce and child custody. There are certainly many well-qualified Los Angeles attorneys who do not hold State Bar certifications. If you are searching for a Los Angeles divorce attorney and you do not know what to look for or where to begin, narrowing down your search to only those who practice family law may be a place where you want to begin.

Further, an experienced Los Angeles divorce lawyer should have success representing clients on child custody and divorce cases in Los Angeles County. He/she will likely be familiar with the judges, processes, and procedures in Los Angeles County which an attorney outside of Los Angeles may not have. However, just because an attorney is not located in Los Angeles does not mean he/she is not qualified and/or experienced to handle a family law, divorce, or child custody case in Los Angeles County. Ultimately, if you have a child custody and/or divorce case in Los Angeles County, you will want to investigate any prospective attorney’s background and experience and choose the right divorce lawyer you believe can help you with your case and legal need.

Fighting over your kids (custody, visitation, parenting) is the worst possible thing that can happen to your or your kids–it’s always ugly. Studies show that harm to children is more closely related to conflict after the divorce. Everyone has conflict before and during a divorce, but if you want to protect your children, get finished with the conflict and resolve it, at least within yourself, as quickly as possible. Children learn much more by what you model than by what you say. By continuing conflict long after the divorce, you are teaching your children by your actions that problems can’t be solved.

Children need their relationship with both parents. There is a bonding between parent and child that cannot easily be replaced by a surrogate parent or stepparent. To protect the essential parent-child relationship, you have to insulate children from your own conflict with their other parent. The divorce is not their problem; it’s yours. Being a bad wife or husband does not make your spouse a bad parent. So don’t hold the children hostage–they are not pawns or bartering pieces in your game. When it comes to the parenting schedule, don’t bargain with your spouse on any other basis than what will give your children the most stability and the best contact with both parents.

The worst thing for the child of a broken home is feeling responsible for the breakup and feeling that loving one parent is a betrayal of the other. These feelings cause children intense stress and insecurity. To protect your child from almost unbearable pain, don’t say anything bad about the other parent in front of the child; don’t undermine or interfere in any way with the child’s relationship with or love for the other parent; don’t put the child in a position of having to take sides. Do encourage every possible kind of constructive relationship your child can have with your ex-mate. Let the children know that you are happy when they have a good, loving time with their other parent.

Kids can really get on your nerves at a time like this, and single parenting is enough to overwhelm any normal person. You are not Superman or Mary Marvel, and kids are not designed to be raised by one lone person. You need help and support, and you need time off from the kids. Make a point of getting help from family, friends and the many parent support groups and family service agencies throughout the United States. Get references to groups in your area by calling temples, churches or social service agencies.

During my divorce I was involved in a car accident. Fortunately no one was injured. The only other accident I have ever been involved in was shortly before my wedding. We are all more likely to have accidents, to be sick or to have other negative events happen to us during a divorce or shortly after the death of a spouse. I can just hear what you are thinking. Haven’t I already got enough bad stuff in my life right now? I don’t need anything else going wrong.

Breaking up is hard to do. You feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. You may feel anger, sadness, fear, hurt, relief, overwhelmed, betrayal, like a failure, numb or a hundred other things. You are a time in your life when you most likely need to make decisions about your children, your finances, your career, where you are going to live and lots of other things when you are already feeling overwhelmed. No wonder accidents and illness are more likely to happen when we are going through a divorce, a major break up or the death of a loved one.

You’re also vulnerable. You might be tempted into a relationship or drinking or sex just to ease your pain. (Be wary of STD’s and Herpes. It’s better to be safe than sorry.) Or you might be tempted to go the other extreme and decide never to date again or to trust or get close to another person again. The pain can feel intolerable. You may really feel that your heart is broken.

Yes, you will get through this. The support of friends, a divorce recovery group, family and maybe even a therapist can be crucial. For a few people the feelings are so extreme that they may feel suicidal or homicidal. Please get help immediately. You will get through this. Life on the other side of divorce can be better. Even if you can’t see it now or don’t believe it, divorce can be a springboard for a better life than you have ever had before.

Get enough rest, eat healthy, exercise, contact friends, cry, join a support group, laugh, keep busy, try new activities, see a counselor, be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Plan something small to look forward to each day. Remember it’s ok to ask for help.

Going through the stages of grieving allows you to heal and to be able to open your heart again. Find the help you need to heal you heart. Do it for yourself and do it for your children? Learn to move out of sadness, to become empowered instead of victimized by your anger and to use your fear as an ally instead of an enemy. You have already been hurt enough by the divorce; you don’t need it to ruin the rest of your life.

Healing your heart takes courage. The results are well worth the effort. Bitterness is not a by product of divorce unless you allow it. You are in control of your healing. Not your ex or your finances or anyone else.

Whether you divorce is in process or happened over 20 years ago it is not too late to heal your heart and to move on. Take a risk, open your heart. You’re worth it.

Most of the disagreements concern the Children, Visitation and how to divide the assets of the marriage along with Child Support, Alimony, How to deal with Family Debts, and who will pay for the Education of the Children and Possible College expenses, Insurance and Tax Problems

After a divorce case is filed, you are given a number and depending on how many people filed before you, will determine how long it will take to come to trial. Generally unless you know someone the cases are determined in the order of your number. When your number comes up you are called, either by phone or mail. Depending on where you live it can be on the spot.

Divorces are all Contested until both parties can come to an agreement and the attorneys can come to a consensus on all relevant issues. Then they can address the Court that it is no longer a Contested Divorce but now an Uncontested Divorce. When this happens there will be a hearing that will consider both parties that sometimes requires proof of claims made by either party. If the laws of the court and the state are considered and are acceptable the court will approve the settlement and enter a divorce Judgment on that the same day or in the near future