I get letters. As a Relationship Coach, and the “How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams” expert on a major website, I get letters.

“I’ve been seeing a guy for a year who’s in the process of a divorce,” writes Anne (not her real name). She goes on to recount a familiar story. He dates her, then goes back to his wife. He comes back to her, then sees another woman. Anne has fallen in love with this man, says she knows he loves her, and can’t figure out what’s going on.

My client Beth calls me for relationship coaching and tells me the latest with her “legally separated” man. “He’s so sweet and loving,” she says. “We have a wonderful time together, but then he completely over-reacts to something and there’s this totally off-the-wall outburst and I just know it has to do with his wife. Soon-to-be-ex-wife. I sure hope he goes through with this. Then he goes away for a while. He won’t answer my phone calls. I think he might be sleeping with other women. Then he calls again and wants me to come over. This is all so confusing. I know he loves me. …”

What’s happening here is many a good, loving and otherwise clear-thinking woman gets involved with a man who’s separated, “legally separated,” divorcing, or newly divorced, and enters a maelstrom. The best way to describe it is “when it is good, it’s very very good, and when it is bad, it is horrid.”

It can’t be understood, because it’s every bit as confusing as it feels! And then you want to fix that for him!

If you’re in this position, first let me say that I’m sorry, especially if you have lost your heart to this man. Men in this transitional stage can be at their most loveable, because of their temporary vulnerability, but they ought to have warning signs on their backs: CAUTION: Danger. Stay away.

Why is this? And why do we get so fooled?

There is something alluring about a man coming out of a marriage. The feelings you have are real, and his responses to you can be wonderful, but here’s the deal. Men suffer terribly when their marriage breaks up and cannot tolerate being alone with their awful feelings - betrayal, failure, grief, longing, guilt, and most of all, being alone. And when men hurt, they don’t sit and hurt, they take action to make it go away. Emotions are problems to be solved. Men are primed to do this. It’s one of the things we love about men, but in this case, you want to stay clear.

Missing one woman, they will go and find another one, and they aren’t always particular about it. It isn’t exactly thought-through.

This is no reflection on you. It has happened to many a woman before you. Relationship coaching is all about avoiding this.

We women, you know, we eat ice cream, cry, listen to music, talk to our friends or our coaches about the painful feelings, and write in our journals. We usually don’t rush into another affair because we know we aren’t ready and don’t have anything to give. Women are, according to emotional intelligence assessments, more “socially responsible.”

The man, good as he may be, much as you may truly love him, is not ready. He is not emotionally available, although you are getting “emotion” and that’s what’s so confusing. The emotions, though, are all about him and his pain. And here’s the hardest part - sex is the best antidote in the world for pain. It releases all those endorphins.

In addition, to a man, sex available is sex available; the emotions don’t necessarily go along with it, as they tend to with women. So you fall in love, you bond, and he doesn’t. For now, well, maybe, well that’s scary because he just got hurt so bad, but she’s so nice and nice to me, and I hate to be all alone, and she’s willing … she’s the one who started all this … you see how it goes.

Emotional intelligence assessments also show that men are lower in “empathy.” Combine this with lower social responsibility and you have someone who is going to assuage their loneliness and, yes, horniness, on you, without really understanding or caring about how you might be feeling. Driven by pain, they don’t really care.

That’s what’s going on. Because men take action, they need to know what they are doing before they act, or it’s a real mess.

One dynamic I see as a Relationship Coach is that the more an ambivalent man likes the woman, the more he runs. So, you see, it’s a “can’t win” situation that continually raises and frustrates your hopes. In fact, a common scenario is that eventually you explode, and he says you are too demanding or have a bad temper, and takes his exit.

Why this dynamic? He got hurt real bad. When he starts to feel love again, he remembers the pain right along with it. For right now, the two are hooked together: love=pain. Everyone who divorces goes through this, and I doubt that he is intentionally trying to hurt you. He’s pretty much focused on himself right now and not thinking too clearly, because that’s what emotional turmoil does - cloud our thinking. We learn this in emotional intelligence.

You’re clear about yourself and your feelings, but you get sucked into the chaos. You get so many mixed messages and signals - “come here, no go away; you, no her, no HER.” The man is not necessarily conscious of this, so when you ask for clarification you either get nonsense, or he gets mad at you for asking, or about something irrelevant, to make the irritation of not-knowing go away.

When will he be ready? What should you do if you’ve given your heart already? Working with a Relationship Coach can help you get through this maze, and avoid them in the future. There are rules about dating after divorce - things that work, and things that don’t work, and certain signs to watch for.

“But,” you say, “Fred and Thelma started dating when he was married and they’re…” As a Relationship Coach, I see the end results as well, and the odds against this lasting are very, very small. I’m not saying I like this scenario any more than you do, but the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than the divorce rate for first marriages; and worse yet for thirds. I don’t like the odds, do you?

Get some Relationship Coaching and give yourself the best chance possible. Find out how to catch a man at the “right” time, and what you must do, and what you must not do. You don’t want to become a statistic!

Tip 1 Don’t try and get over your partner in the arms of another person.

When my wife left me I was fortunate to be going to a church and took the time to see the pastor about the separation. My pastor told me that I should not enter into any relationship for at least two years. He told me that this was for a number of reasons.

i. It was best for my wife that I spend a number of years single so as to give her an opportunity to come back to me. Out of respect he advised that even though she was already in a new relationship that it always took one partner to stay single to give an opportunity for the estranged partner to return. He told me to pray for her to come back and wait at least two years for her to come back.

ii. It was best for me to have a couple of years being single not only to get a handle on my emotions but to give me time to heal. He said it was essential for me to deal with the issues that were wrong in my marriage and to draw closer to God before I entered into another relationship.

iii. It was best for any future partner that I had dealt with my inner demons before I started to go out with them. So many marriages are formed from desperation and loneliness in both the people that join rather than happy single people joining. The pastor told me that my future partner deserved a healed and whole partner and that could only be achieved if I took the time to work on myself. He pointed out that if I rushed into another relationship that it was not love for my future partner but selfishness and a lacking in me that had propelled it.

I took my pastor’s advice and during the next few years grew a lot closer to Jesus Christ in a lot of study and personal experience with Him. Now it’s fourteen years later and I have only had one other significant relationship in that time and am very close to God. I have now decided to remain single so I can serve God more fully in the future as a single man. I am very happy in my decision and in a very good state emotionally in that area of my life.

Tip 2 Try and remember the good times in your marriage rather then the bad.

You can cut yourself to pieces running over and over the bad things in your marriage in your mind. Thinking constantly on these things will destroy you and pull you into a bad depression that will take, in many cases, medication to get out of.

You had some good times in your marriage. You went to some romantic places and had some wonderful times together in each others arms. There were restaurants and memorable embraces and kisses and times between the sheets. It is not dirty to think on these good things and it is not wrong to remember these things.

You will smell aftershaves on other men that remind you of your former partner if you are a woman. Don’t dismiss the memory of the man you loved when this happens in the future, take the time to think about the good times when this makes you think about your partner.

You will hear a song on the radio that reminds you of your partner. Don’t turn the radio off, listen to the song and let the tears flow if they must. Your partner will always be a part of you. Don’t think a court decision and a piece of paper that signifies your divorce will stop the songs from playing and the memories from catching you off guard.

Let me tell you the memories will come for years and years. It is better that you switch from thinking about the bad times in these instances and think about the positive things. This will help you to know and will help you through the years to come.

Tip 3 Try not to speak badly too often about your former partner.

Speaking bad about your former partner does not often hurt him. Often the only person it is hurting is you as you dredge it up again. There is a time where we have to get things off our chest, then there is a time where we have to put the hurts away once and for all and talk about the future and the possibilities of new love and romances.

Sure, your partner hurt you. My partner put me in a psychiatric ward with a nervous breakdown after two weeks without sleep. This was done with many phone calls and some very clever witchcraft. This was a very sad thing and now I suffer from both Bipolar and Schizophrenia which both give me a lot of grief, yet my wife was only doing what she felt she needed to do and I have forgiven her for this.

Many of you have been hurt more then me. It is so hard not to speak badly and confess the things that your partner did to you, but you need to learn to speak of the good things he or she did too, and you need to learn the lessons that these bad things taught you or else you will find the same thing happening with future partners.

Remember you married a person that you once loved. You shared some good times together. Your partner might not be as strong as you and the last thing that they need is for the whole world to know how bad that they are. You knew them first hand and you know a lot of their faults that no one else gets to see in day to day life. Try and keep that close to your chest as best you can.

My wife had a spirit that she used to take me down. Some people might call it a spirit guide. In the process of what she did to me I learned quite a lot about this spirit called the Jezabel spirit. Armed with this knowledge my wife had done me a great favour when I encountered other females in my future with this same spirit helping them to try and destroy me and render me ineffective in ministry. I look back fondly at my wife’s assault on me now and appreciate her for the wisdom she gave me about the ways and practices of the Jezabel spirit.

You see people, I can speak of a very traumatic experience in my life that resulted in me having two mental illnesses and put a positive spin on it and make this wife of my youth look like a hero.

We all like a movie with a positive ending. Try and think of the bad things that happened to you and learn the lessons that you need to learn from them. Then as you figure out the lesson you learned, learn then to speak about how your former partner did you a favour in teaching you that. Make your bad ending of your marriage a positive ending, so much so that in the future you can speak fondly of your former partner and the lessons his bad behavior taught you.

Tip 4 Learn to forgive by walking in your partner’s shoes.

Forgiveness in a very touchy issue. People might simply stop reading now that I have brought it up. But bear with me.

A month after I was separated I was talking with my wife’s best friend and the friend was trying to convince me that I did not want my wife back. She was having a hard time convincing me so she told me some truth that I didn’t know. She told me that on five occasions that she knew of, my wife had slept with other men while I was with her. I was shocked and asked questions and she went into a lot of detail about each of the encounters. She told me all of this because she loved me and respected me and honestly wanted me to move on with my life and not to try and pursue my wife, her best friend anymore.

I got off the phone and wept. How could my wife do that?

Out of respect for my wife’s best friend who had told me, I never brought the subject up with my wife to betray her confidence in me, but I was hurt deeply inside as I knew some of the times my wife played around she had came home and made love to me also. The thought of that disgusted me and I felt like I had been really disrespected.

The only way I was able to forgive that was to come into knowledge of how my wife was feeling when she was doing it. It was obvious to me that I was simply not good enough for my wife. Somehow my wife needed constant affirmation that she was beautiful and attractive and worthy of love. She found this in the arms of other men who were only too happy to take her to bed. And who could blame these guys? My wife had rich olive skin, dark brown eyes and a nice body that most men would find attractive. She was a fun sort of girl and enjoyed herself in bed, a fine kisser and very seductive when she wanted to be.

I was heartbroken but how could I blame the guys? Most of them weren’t even told that she was married and simply thought they were scoring a night with a twenty year old girl who was keen to be with them.

And how could I blame Sharryn, my wife? If I was not enough for her, if I didn’t make her feel fulfilled as a women, a wife and a mother, how could I blame her for going other places to find excitement? And that’s the sad truth about many affairs that I had to come to grips with and perhaps you might have to come to grips with. Sometimes we simply are not good enough to keep our partners in only our bed.

Of course it wasn’t all my fault. I was doing my best as a husband but I simply was not living up to what she had married. Sharryn had a problem and it is that problem that I focused on in order to find the place in my heart so that I could forgive her. I had to see it in her shoes. I found out about her in books about sexual abuse victims of which my wife was one.

So take the time to try and understand why your partner did that bad things in your marriage. You need to understand why they did what they did so that you can forgive them. And you need to forgive them or else you will walk around really bitter and this will hurt you for many years to come.

Even whilst in agony on the cross, Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.”

What a man hey?

Jesus was totally innocent. He was a man of love. And just like us he was hurt, beaten and mistreated. And yet in the midst of his agony and just before he died he asked God to forgive all the people who had put him on the cross and all the people that were laughing at him at the foot of the cross.

He forgave you for all your wrong doings on that day. That is the essence of the Christian faith and you can write to me for more information about that if you like.

So if Jesus forgave you on that cross, can’t you forgive your former partner?

Take the time and get to the bottom of why your partner did what they did. This will not only help you in your life in the future, but it will also help you become a better partner in the future.

Tip 5 Don’t fight with your partner though the divorce.

People die and everyone goes to a funeral and they say all these good things about the person and there are many tears that abound. There are many regrets when some people die suddenly as many loved ones didn’t get the chance to say things to the departed that they wanted to say.

Yet a marriage dies and so many people fight like two dogs in an illegal dog fight. The friends take sides and the fight gets really ugly. A fortune is spent in law courts and people say such terrible things about their partners in official documents.

My wife lied 19 times in her affidavit for the custody of my child. Some of the things that she said about me were very hurtful and I did not like judges, lawyers and people reading that affidavit with all those lies about me.

Yet this is the case many times in divorce courts. Many hurtful things are said on paper and are on record before strangers. It’s disgusting and even more disgusting if the parties are supposed to be born again Christians.

God spoke quite clearly in the prophet Malachi when He said, “I hate divorce.”

A better way is not to fight. You can only have a fight when both people are fighting. If one person refuses to fight then the other person does not get as much satisfaction. I prepared and affidavit that addressed all of the 19 lies and showed how they were not true and then a judge in my taxi cab as a customer told me that my wife would be possibly put in prison if that affidavit was presented in court.

I was struggling whether I should clear my name from the lies of my wife in my affidavit or change it and just accept the lies going down on record in the court when I had another passenger jump in my taxi. He spent 45 minutes asking me about all my life and giving me a few scripture verses that answered each situation that I talked about. He had me in tears and by the time he left my taxi I was really happy and I had all the answers I needed, I was not going to fight.

A minute after he left my cab and went into the airport I followed him to thank him and I looked everywhere in that airport. And believe me I searched everywhere and he had disappeared. To this day I know he was an angel sent to me with a message. I have since spoken to Jesus and he has told my in my spirit that indeed it was angel.

And the angel’s message?

Don’t fight with your partner!

Tip 6 Always hold a special place in your heart for your former partner.

Your prayer life, your Christian life and even if you are not a Christian, your life will be a whole lot better if you continue to keep good thoughts about your former partner, and keep a special place in your heart for them.

My wife is my hero, she was my first love, she made me very happy and she gave me a wonderful son that I am very proud of. My Sharryn was a champion and gave me many happy days and nights. Losing her sent me into a path toward God that has just got better and better over the years.

She is always in my prayers and I always pray for her marriage. Though she got dirty and stopped me seeing my son seven years ago, I still know she had her marriage and my son’s interests in mind when she made the decision. If a person is hurting and has had a bad upbringing and been hurt by her step father and her mother you have to cut them a bit of slack. I address my reasons why I stopped seeing my son in another article.

It’s best, if you have children to keep a little love in your heart for your former partner. Love always makes things easier. So you can’t bear to live with your partner anymore, that’s fine, but love them from a distance. Feel sorry for them if you must, but keep the love for them burning in a special hidden place in your heart. Pray for them and treat them as nice as you can. Perhaps your love for them will be like after sales service.

We all love a company to treat us nice after we have already bought their product. That sort of company has us going back to them time and time again. The way you treat your former partner through the divorce and years to come can have a great effect on them and even give them the courage to change.

In closing, let me pray for you.

Father in heaven,

I pray that this article has made sense to the reader. I pray that they realize that I did not write this for profit or for me to make any money of me to benefit in any way. Father I pray that they might read this and re-read this and take on board my 6 tips and apply them to their life. Father I ask that you tend to their hearts and that you give them good opportunities to purge their pain and talk about their hurt in constructive ways over the coming years. I ask that you bring healing to their lives, bring good friendships and much love into their life. I pray you lead them to the right books, the right films and the right sermons or talks that they need to hear. Let them heal and let them laugh and have them be able to speak about the hurt in the future and bring encouragement to other people’s lives.

If they do not know you as their God, I pray that you might speak into their life more and more though people they know already and people they might know in the future. I pray that you take them by the hand and bring forth a good destiny for all people that read this prayer.

In Jesus name I ask.

Amen

God bless you guys. Please write to me at my email address below if you have any questions.

An uncontested divorce is the only way to go when getting a divorce. For one, you do not need an attorney, the divorce is done in private, and issues can be negotiated 1 on 1. You may need an attorney if you can not make an agreement of every issue you negotiate. Disagreements you should be ready for are, the grounds for divorce, payment of family debts, visitation rights, division of the assets of the marriage, child support, alimony, custody of the children, payment of health insurance for the dependent, contribution toward educational expenses, and income tax.

It is important that you negotiate all the issues of the divorce before you file for an uncontested divorce. Uncontested divorces are given an identification number and are considered by the court as an issue that will eventually need trial time in order to resolve problem issues in the divorce. This is because until you two get all the issues of the divorce case negotiated your uncontested divorce is considered a “Contested Divorce”.

When all the issues are negotiated you can then stipulate to the court to have the matters heard as an Uncontested Divorce or “no fault divorce” matter. The court will then expedite the Hearing then they will hear proof of the agreement of the grounds of the divorce. The proper way to prove the grounds of the divorce is with an Uncontested Divorce form. Id highly recommend you to get your form from legalformsbank.biz for your state’s specific up-to-date Uncontested Divorce form. Be aware of sites where you must type in your personal information so they can “generate” your legal form. Not only are you giving someone else your extremely sensitive information that could be used for all kind of identity fraud, your liable to have your money and information taken from hackers who put up legitimate looking sites then disappear off the net without ever giving you your Uncontested Divorce form.

Sometimes married couples do not get along and find that they are never going to make the marriage work. That is when a divorce comes into mind. A divorce is a legal action between married people to terminate their marriage relationship. It is a hard time for all that is involved.

There is something that is called a no fault divorce. This means that the court does not get in to why the couple wants to be divorced. It used to be that the person starting the divorce had to prove certain reasons for getting divorced. Some of these reasons included adultery or abuse. This time was often difficult for the couple and even a little embarrassing. The questions of what parties had been doing are private and these topics come out in the courtroom.

Now the law is different and it allows one of the parties to get a divorce if he or she states in court that the marriage is irretrievably broken. Usually the judge will not ask any other questions about the marriage and allow the divorce to move on.

In some divorces, however, they can get messy and there are many emotions brought out in court. This is a hard time to deal with and many people go through very depressing times. In some of the instances, one party does not want the divorce and they will fight it with all that they have. This will make the situation harder on both parties.

Some court systems will want to make sure that the couple is doing the right thing. They will in some cases order the couple to seek counseling. This is usually only for the couples that there is hope for. This is not for everyone and it is important to do only if one or both of the parties involved thinks that there is a chance for reconciliation.

People often times give up on their marriage too quickly. In some cases, they never really give the other person or the marriage a chance. There are hard times in all marriages and some people decide to try and work it out, while others tend to just want to give it all up as fast as they can.

It is always best to do what makes both parties happy and able to move on and get back to living the rest of their life. Going through a divorce will be one of the toughest things a person can live through.

When a couple gets a legal separation, it is a lot like a divorce. It will involve the same process of filing papers with the court to start a legal action. The court will then have to make the decisions about where the children will live, debts, and assets in a divorce. At the end of the process, the parties are legally separated instead of being actually divorced. This means that they are still married but not responsible for each other and what the other party does.

A legal separation is the best thing to do in the last stages of couples not getting along. It can be a way of taking a break and finding out what each party wants. There is no reason to rush into getting divorce for some people and it is a decision that has to be well thought out just as the marriage should have been.

Sometimes when people are on a legal separation, they will try and work things out. However, there are some cases, where it will not work and the parties’ involved want to get a divorce. One year after the legal separation is granted, one of the parties can petition to convert the separation to a divorce. They can do this without further hearings and the other party cannot prevent it from happening. People will sometimes prefer the separation instead of a divorce because of their religious beliefs or for insurance purposes.

If the party then decides to get a divorce, it will terminate their marriage. In order to do that, parties involved will go to court and decide how to handle questions of the children and how to divide their marital property. Each party is going to be responsible for one half of the marital debts.

Marital property is anything that the couple bought while they were married. It does not matter whose name the property is in or who actually purchased it. Bank accounts, pensions, and stocks are marital property even if they are held in one name only. Property brought into the marriage is still marital depending on the length of the marriage and what type of property it is. The court will be as fair as it can and sometimes the parties involved will make the right choices about being fair in the divorce.

It is always a good thing when a couple can make the appropriate decisions about how things should be split up before actually going to court. Both parties should have attorneys and this will help things progress along without having to worry about any legalities. This is the best way to protect each party’s assets and to make sure that the proceedings are fair.

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There is a fine line between love and hate. No more is this seen than in the aftermath of a complicated break up or divorce. And if you have ever been unfortunate enough to have experienced this, you will understand exactly what I mean. It seems that when relationship troubles start to surface we try our hardest to make things work. This in actual fact can be catastrophic if the relationship has issues that are being ignored and for want of a better phrase ’swept under the carpet’ in the quest for superficial happiness. This type of ‘first aid’ seems good for the short term, however if the original issues are not dealt with then this can cause an explosive end to the relationship.

If you are going through a break up at the moment, then use this time as an opportunity. Think about how you can make your future relationships better, who knows you may even wish to try and rekindle your old one. One way that you can solve many past and present issues is by using Hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is great for working on issues like this as it deals directly with the area of you mind that makes you - YOU! For years Hypnosis has been widely considered one of the best ways to do things like Stop Smoking, Lose Weight and Manage Stress; however it can now be applied to many Relationships issues, such as Jealousy, Anger Management and Infidelity. Hypnosis can also be used successfully on sexual issues including Impotent, Premature Ejaculation, Improved Female Orgasm and Frigidity including others.

In Hypnosis you will become very relaxed, but will remain completely aware of what is going on around you. A lot of people have some very misguided opinions of Hypnosis, which makes life interesting for me to say the least. The biggest question that I get asked is ‘Does it work?’. This one always makes me laugh! Hypnosis is a science. As a hypnotherapist I spend my life researching what makes people do what they do and also why they feel the way that they feel. I then work with them to find away to change this so that that can do what the WANT to do and feel the way that they WANT to feel.

So if you are experiencing troubles in your relationship or you need some help getting over a break up or divorce, then you should seriously consider using Hypnosis. The technique is so mainstream now that you can even get instant downloads from the internet to help you with a whole host of issues.

Before you find out what you need to do to try to stop divorce, you must understand that in just about every state, you cannot stop a divorce by yourself if your spouse is determined to get one.

In addition, here are three strategies that you need to avoid if you want to stop divorce:

1. Giving reassurance, such as “I’ve changed. I won’t have another affair. I won’t lie to you anymore.” This strategy never works.

2. Telling him/her repeatedly, “I love you.” This strategy also does not work.

3. Arguing and trying to talk him/her into feeling different. This strategy does not work as well.

So what you can do to stop divorce?

The biggest secret is that you need to work at your relationship. You must persistently work at having pleasant relationship. By no means should you take your relationship for granted.

Many outside factors (job, finances, illness or inattention) have huge influence on relationships. You goal should be to deal with these factors.

Here are three steps to stop divorce.

1. Husband and wife should come to an understanding that an outside factor is the most important cause.

2. Husband and wife should create a reasonable plan for solving the problem. A thorough plan must engage both of spouses.

3. Make the plan happen. Engage the whole family if needed.

Here are some tips that will help you have a good relationship.

- Communicate with your spouse. Talk about things that bother you, using the word “we” a lot.

- Spend more time together doing things you each like to do.

- Think twice before you say something.

- Do not shout a hard criticism.

The stats don’t lie. 50% of all American marriages will end in divorce. Does this mean that you, your friends and family have no chance at all of a lasting marriage? Who knows? But many of the leading marriage experts will tell you that the divorce rate is actually closer to 40% and that number tends to decline that older the spouses are when they get married. The 50% divorce rate that we hear so much about tends to be for a young couple marrying for the first time, when referring to these younger couples some analyst say the rate is even as high as 60%. What about the rest of the marrying population? Like your parents who have been married for 30, 40 or 50 years.

Studies show us that college grads are also less likely than others to get a divorce. College grads also tend to make more than non-grads, so it seems that education and income level tend to play a role in determining whether the marriage will last. Length of marriage is very important as most divorces occur during the first few years of marriage. Author James Mills talks about the “Two Year Itch”, which he states that 1 in 10 couples will split after 24 months of marriage. So based on Mill’s “two year itch” theory, the longer a couple stays married the less likely a divorce will occur. This is probably the reason your parents marriage of 40 years isn’t likely to end anytime soon.

What about kids? Couples who have kids divorce less than couples without children. This shows that couples are willing to stay in a bad relationship just for the sake of their children.

The mythical 50% divorce rate can be even more deceiving when the number of actual divorces is broken down by race. White Americans have the highest rate among the races, while Asian-Americans have the lowest. The divorce rate of Asian-Americans is nowhere near the 50% rate. In fact 8 out of 10 Asian-American children in the United States live with both parents, a rate than significantly higher than other ethnic group.

What do all of these stats amount to? What does all of this information mean? Well first and foremost the 50% divorce rate doesn’t exactly apply to everyone. This is especially true if you are a minority or have a college degree or decide to get married a little later in life.

Divorce is difficult for everyone. Divorce affects the two adults involved, plus their children, but it also affects extended family. Regardless of who “wins” custody, regardless of where the children live, these kids have two sides to their family.

The town I live in requires adults to take a class called “Child In The Middle” before a judge will sign the divorce petition.

I actually believe it would be in children’s best interests, if this was required in all towns. Even the most well meaning adults often, without realizing, put their children in the middle.

So, what are some of the things to avoid? Do not say to your child “go ask mommy” or “go ask daddy”. It is not up to the child to be a go between. It is up to the two adults to speak directly to each other, or through their attorneys if they can not communicate. When a child is asked to be a go between, and should one of the parents get upset with the message, the child feels they somehow are responsible, when they are just an innocent messenger.

Do not ask your child about your ex spouses new girlfriend or boyfriend. The kids are just as uncomfortable with this as you are. They don’t want another mother, or another father. They don’t want to have to betray you by liking the new person in their parent’s life. So make it easy on them. Don’t ask.

Don’t put your child in the position of ever having to choose. Remember one of you is mom and one of you is dad. It is unfair at the least to ask a child to choose. You both brought this child into the world. At one time it was fine for the child to love you both. Make it ok for the child to love you both today too.

Don’t speak poorly of the child’s other parent. Remember it was joint love that brought this child into the world. That child feels they are a part of both of you. If you speak poorly of the child’s other parent, the child takes it personally.

Do let your child know how sorry you are that they have to go to two homes, learn two addresses etc.

Do let your child know you will do everything you can to support their relationship with the other parent.

Do listen to your children. They often will guide you to let you know what they need.

California divorce and separation preparation can be a complicated project. You could be shocked if your partner tells you that he or she wants a divorce. Worse yet, you might come home someday to an emptied out house and a note, with your partner and children gone from the house. If that happens, you would be unable to do any California divorce and separation planning on your own. But then, your partner may have plotted expertly and you may find out that belongings have been hidden or dissipated over a period of time, or that a move to another residence was conscientiously organized by using the aid of an attorney intending to control a child support dispute. Though that type of organized underhanded preparation goes on sporadically, it does happen and should be a lesson to every person who is thinking over a California divorce: preparation and strategies are decisive and might be considered by everybody.

To guarantee that you are undertaking the the best California divorce and separation preparation and employing the best legal maneuvers, you might need the help of a lawyer. A good California marital lawyer has seen it all. He or she has handled enough lawsuits to anticipate what maneuvers may be undertaken by your spouse’s lawyer, which maneuvers are effective, and what maneuvers are best for your desired results. Employing plans and preparation will not dictate that you are instigating divorce or separation litigation. It indicates to the other side all of the pertinent facts of your case and your desired results and you have thoughtfully planned how to get where you want to go. A full settlement dialogue is not to occur without quite a bit of thought and preparation. Several litigants do not understand the real value provided to them by their lawyer. Actually, often people will claim that they did all or most of the work in obtaining data or in feeding information to their lawyer, only to be confronted with a large bill, and they want to know why. The “why” is found in the California lawyer’s level of experience and number of years practicing and the lawyer’s ability to prepare your maneuvers to get the final result requested by you.

The tactics and planning that you must undertake before starting a California divorce or separation do effect the outcome of your case. There are some things that every person will have to do, including obtaining all your economic documents. Many preparation and strategy issues can be very unique to your own lawsuit, including the background of your married life and your own situation. Notwithstanding your unique situation, your preparation must take place after a careful consideration of the pertinent facts and a detailed conversation about your goals with your lawyer.

Different individuals confronting the same situation may want to use different California divorce plans as a result of their dissimilar objectives. If negotiating a settlement and not going to Court are what you want, your lawyer could engage in different tactics than if you want a Judge to make the decisions. If your lawyer has been given all of your facts and your particular goals, your lawyer can work on a tactical outline that is designed to benefit you.
Because divorce or separation is frequently a struggle over income and assets, obtaining the pertinent documents about your finances is critical. It is imperative that you locate copies of the most recent income tax returns and your w-2 and your partner’s w-2 from each job for each of those years. If those documents are under your spouse’s control, you may request copies from the Internal Revenue Service. If you are in a situation where you do not want your partner to know that you are undertaking divorce preparation, have those records mailed to a office address, a friend’s house, or to your lawyer.

An outline of the history of your marriage is significant to other issues that your California divorce lawyer will be addressing on your behalf. Many lawyers request that you prepare a outline to help them. If your attorney does not want an outline, you should still prepare one. The work that you put into that outline will only assist attorney on matter like fault, child custody, and support, and it should cut down on attorney preparation time needed for your case and thus, save you money.

The more time you put into obtaining, and outlining important data and info for your California divorce and separation attorney, the less time you will spend in your attorney’s office reviewing those issues. As a result, your attorney may spend less time on information gathering and more of your funds spent on strategies and preparation.