In the emerging field of collaborative law, there is an approach known as the Multi-Disciplinary Model. In essence, this model provides for a collaborative divorce team consisting of two lawyers, two divorce coaches, a child specialist and a financial advisor to assist the couple. Many people may scoff at this idea, especially since one of the goals of collaborative law is to reduce the amount of cost associated with divorce. But a closer look at the multi disciplinary approach helps explain why this team of six can be more cost effective than the traditional method of divorce.

The first thing to keep in mind is that divorce affects couples on many levels. There are financial, legal and emotional considerations and then there are issues involving children. In simple terms, a divorce is a multi task assignment. These tasks include not only reaching a legal division, but also the development of age-appropriate parenting plans, learning communication skills that will move spouses successfully along the road of co-parenting, moving away from the blame/shame cycle. The financial portion of a divorce can be complicated by uncertainty about the future, tax considerations, and different methods of structuring a financial settlement.

In the traditional model, lawyers are called upon to handle all of these tasks, which is impossible considering that lawyers are neither accountants, therapists or child specialists. As a result, the divorce becomes final but many issues often go unresolved. In a collaborative divorce, there are neither dueling lawyers nor dueling experts. The Collaborative Divorce model instead uses a collaborative team who provides containment for the couple as they go through the divorce transition. Within this model, clients are informed of their process choices, which includes the involvement of different professionals such as lawyers, mental health professionals who act as divorce coaches, mental health professionals who act as neutral child specialists, and neutral financial specialists.

Clients may choose to involve lawyers, coaches, a child specialist and a financial adviser from the beginning. It is more common for parties to build their team as they proceed through the process, depending upon their needs. For instance, spouses may choose to engage coaches only after hitting “speed bumps” in their work with lawyers.

The divorce team communicates in team meetings about the parties and the issues they are working through. Clients sign agreements with their lawyers, with any divorce coaches they retain, with the child specialist and financial specialist (if retained) that confirm no one will subpoena any professionals if the case goes out of the collaborative process. The contracts also allow the professionals to communicate freely amongst themselves to further understanding of the clients’ needs.

Clients often question the cost of this process. Cost is a huge factor for most couples as they divorce. In a traditional divorce, litigants’ often have little or no over legal bills once the litigation template becomes the engine of their divorce. Litigants are completely unable to control the time their lawyers spend waiting in court to be heard, the volume and length of correspondence exchanged between counsel, or the extensive Pretrial discovery, required by the Court, but often not particularly needed by the clients.

It makes not only good practical sense but also good fiscal sense to allow clients to retain professionals that will be used only as much as the client requires them, and whose specific skills are geared to the clients’ needs. On an hourly basis, therapists and counsellors are less expensive than lawyers, and more skilled in dealing with conflict. Even in high conflict families, both the inter-disciplinary groups and the Collaborative Divorce teams are finding that couples spend less on divorce coaches than litigants in the same community are spending on psychologists for custody and access assessments. The outcome for couples using divorce coaches is a de-escalation of the conflict, as opposed to custody and access assessments which provide the spouses with no new skills and are often more divisive for the family.

It was about two years ago and I was sitting hearing a preacher say in scripture that I cannot re marry while my wife was still alive. Even if she was the one that left me, even though she was the one that had affair and even though I was the innocent party. I already knew this as the Holy Spirit had told me a year before but this sermon stopped me looking for a girlfriends and forever solved my doubt in what the Holy Spirit said. Since that time I have had three single women try and get me to turn my view around as they wanted to marry me. And so while this is both educational this is also written to those women who wish to contact me and try and win my hand in marriage.

Let us look at the first verse.

Romans 7:2-3 (New King James Version)
2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

My wife has remarried another man and I am still alive. She got a no fault divorce from me that simply said that we had lived apart for one year and that we had problems that could not be reconciled. I am still her husband in the eyes of the Lord as the Lord said what He has put together let NO MAN put asunder.

When I am dead my former with is free of me but not before that time. At present she is an adulteress. Jesus calls us adulterers in James when we are loving the world rather then us. My wife is with another man and not with me and this is not right.

I bless her and am happy for her but I am not sure where she will end up when she dies as in this verse it says adulterers will not enter heaven.

Galatians 5:19-21 (New King James Version)
9 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders] drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Whilever she lives with another man and her first husband is single and wanting prayerfully for her to return she is committing adultery. If she continues on this way I am not sure where she will end up. I know this might worry a few of you in second marriages but for you in the process of separation this may tempt you to reconcile with your partner. God can heal anything if both parties want to heal it.

Okay let us a look at another verse that Jesus said

Mark 10:11-12 (New King James Version)
11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

It is pretty clear here and I can’t understand how people can not understand this verse. Simply pout no matter what the reason for the divorce a man cannot re-marry another lady. If he wants to divorce his wife he has to remain single for the rest of his life. If he is going to be burned up with lust he has to repent and get the grace not to masturbate. This is possible for men as I have to be frank here I have done it..

If a women has picked a child abuser for a husband or a drinker who beats her up she might leave him but she is to stay single for the rest of her life or else see her husband gets healing and go back to him. This is where the church is in great error. These ladies are to be treated as widows in the church and looked after but cannot re marry unless their husband dies.

This makes you think you should hire a killer to kill your spouse and repent and then re- marry but we all know that is a joke and not God’s way.

If you leave your wife and divorce you cannot re-marry
If you leave your husband and divorce you cannot re- marry

So the best thing is to forgive each other and get on with a healthy marriage which Jesus loves us to do.

Anything less is no only disobedience but making a mockery of God’s power.

Matthew 5:31-32 (New King James Version)

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality] causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Any person that married a lady that has been divorced commits adultery. And the only reason for divorce is sexual immorality which not only includes adultery but if one of the partners is gay. Jesus is quite clear that a divorced woman is off limits.

Matthew 19:9 (New King James Version)

9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,[a] and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
Anyone marrying a divorced woman commits adultery. These verse are kind of hinting that a husband can divorce a wife for adultery and re-marry but I don’t care personally the Mark 10:11-12 verse says different.

I
I am happy being single and without a women in my life I can spend more on my ministry and doing things the Lord wants me to do without having to look after a wife and a child. I still pay for my son each week but I am free of a wife which makes me very happy. Don’t get me wrong I love women and respect them and have quite a few good friends but like Jesus I would prefer my women friends to be like Mary Magdalene and not wives.

Luke 16:17-18 (New King James Version)

17 And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one tittle of the law to fail.
18 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Once again a man that divorces his wife and marries another women commits adultery and any man that married a lady that has been divorced commits adultery.

So watch out men! Stay away from divorced women who want to marry you! And visa verse women who are single stay away from divorced men, go and get a man that has never been married

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (New King James Version)

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
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Now here is the solution to the whole thing. If the husband can’t be lived with as he is violent or abusing the children as women you can leave him but you are to stay married to him and no re marry. And a male is never allowed to agree to a divorce.

Now we have a wicked system these days that allow a wife to divorce a man without him agreeing and it allows her to re marry but I never singled one piece of paper with my wife for a divorce. Therefore I am still married to her under God’s view and my wife might find herself in hell one day.

So guys no matter how bad you wife has been you are NEVER to divorce them and you have to get your sex drive under control and live without another women for the term of your natural life.

And women you should not leave your husband but if need be you can but you should never have any other partner.

Now I don’t write this for fun and this is not malice, this is simply and article expressing the Biblical truth. It is not a Greek translation and I am not a scholar and it’s just my understanding of the scriptures. You can disagree and no obey what is taught in the Word here, but that is your choice as in the last day Jesus real meanings and words will judge all the living and the dead and I have done my duty.

Let me pray

Father

I pray that this person going through divorce might see that even if they do they have to remain single for the rest of their lives. I pray that this might bear fruit and one in a hundred readers might take my counsel. I pray that the lies of the enemy and pastors with false doctrine may be silenced some day. I ask that you give the reader the courage to read the supporting article I suggest at the bottom of this article. Jesus give these e people strength to obey your word in this trying time

In Jesus name I ask with thanksgiving.

Amen

Do you ever feel like your marriage and marital relation ship is completely out of control? Sometimes it seems as if things just keep on going downhill and you are powerless to stop it. Does it seem like the relationship between you and your spouse has been damaged beyond repair?

I don’t think it really matters what the issues are. If someone is unhappy in a relationship, no matter what the reasons, it will harm the relationship. Even if the reasons they are unhappy are completely unreasonable. Have you ever had a situation with a spouse in which you did a certain behavior, lets use going out with friends as an example. Your spouse did not join you. You always asked if it was alright if you went and your spouse never indicated it wasn’t. So you just kept doing it, oblivious to the fact that your spouse was completely unhappy and resentful of all the time you were spending away. Now, who’s problem is that? Is it the spouse who is always spending times with their friends? Or is it the spouse who never asks them not too? I think that you can agree that both bear responsibility for the problem..

But is a problem like this unsurmountable? It shouldn’t be. Effective communication and sacrifice on both ends should resolve this particular issue quite easily. Unfortunately, communication between two angry spouses is usually anything but effective. So what do you do if your spouse says that they have had it and want out?

You can stop a divorce from happening, even if you are the only one who wants too. You do have the power to turn the momentum around on a relationship and get it going in a positive direction. Your differences can be reconciled and your relationship improved. By learning what is involved in a successful marriage, you can create one with your spouse together and put all the talk of divorce behind you. Effective communication is one of the keys. Arguing with each other is a complete waste of time and will generally get you nowhere. Usually, arguments turn into discussions about issues not even relating to the one at hand. Old issues are often brought up, and nothing really gets resolved. You need to learn practical and helpful solutions to the problems that plague your marriage. Even if you are the only one interested in saving it, you can still make headway in stopping the divorce all on your own.

When you are standing at the altar saying “I do” with 300 of your friends and family around you, the very last thing on your mind is the possibility of a divorce in your future. Damn the statistics, it cannot happen to me, you think.

Think again. Recent studies have shown that the divorce rate is almost at the 50% mark for couple being married in the past 5 years. What is the cause of that? Are people being too reckless with their commitments? Do people really think that the love they feel will see them through anything?

The biggest problem leading to divorce is a lack of communication between the partners. It really is a partnership, where each needs to know what the other is doing and thinking on a regular basis, as in daily. You need to make sure that you are both marching to the same drummer with the same goals in sight, both short term goals as well as long term goals, and without that communication, divorce is almost inevitable.

Is this a difficult thing? It should not be, but in today’s world where most households have both spouses working, it can prove to be difficult. When both spouses arrive at home after a long hard day at work, both are tired, perhaps irritable, neither feels like fixing dinner, and communication can often be the last thing on either one’s mind. Yet if that communications does not happen, it is inevitably that the two of you will take different paths, start creating separate goals, and pretty soon you find that divorce is the only viable answer, since your paths have parted so widely that there is little chance your paths will ever rejoin.

Divorce can be a comparatively simple procedure or it can be long and drawn out. It is in your best interests to get a good divorce lawyer. Really? Yes really. If the communications between you and your spouse have broken down to put you on separate paths, you cannot be sure of what your spouse will require or demand in the divorce process. Make sure you do not get hosed in that process, and without a good divorce attorney, that can easily happen before you are even aware of it.

Things can get messy if children are involved or there is a fair amount of capital holdings that were acquired since the wedding day. But even these items can be negotiated and worked out with good divorce attorneys, plus the desire to “just get it over with peacefully” on the part of both spouses.

If divorce is really the best or only option available to you, plan it with the same attention to detail that you used when you planned your wedding. Preparation and a thorough knowledge of what is involved and what can be negotiated is paramount in making sure that you don’t walk away with absolutely nothing. Almost anything is negotiable as far as “who gets what”, but be very clear on what are your rights, what are the rights of your spouse, and how to effectively manage the division of assets, including cash, stocks, and bonds.

Divorce and debt, both start with D, coincidence? To find out, read on. Many of us pile on the debt faster then food at the buffet table but we are not able to get rid of it as quickly. The debt sits there and like food it slowly starts to rot away but in this case it starts to rot away our relationships. Maybe this sound familiar, “Hey can we get a new chair for the living room?” You bark back, “The one we have is just fine.” The volume just keeps going up from there and a week later you don’t remember why you are still fighting, just that this time you are going to win. What really happened there? You know the chair is long past being fine. You also know you’re barely making payments on your debt load. It is like a subconscious trigger someone says, “spend” and you flip because the added stress of your second job has started to wear away at your confidence as a provider. You can’t continue to go on like this.

Financial stress is reported to be a top reason for divorce. I firmly believe from working with couples for many years in my practice that this is a fact. Many people have an aversion to facing what their real problems are. Instead they refer the pain of the debt situation onto something less threatening for them. It creates havoc in relationships. It does not matter if it is your marriage, dating, parents, family or friends. When money troubles get in there, first it is hard to get rid of them and second it normally causes some permanent scaring and the relationships normally drift apart.

What can you do? It can seem complicated and each situation is always unique and a few rules normally apply to everyone.

1.Take a deep breath, slow down, get a grip and be nice to yourself. There are forces in the world designed to get you to spend every penny you have and every penny you can borrow.

2. Get over the fact you have overspent. The “Joneses” have gone bankrupt years ago, so don’t go and join them. Just because we are all taught to keep up with them doesn’t make it right or smart.

3. Pay close attention to how you satisfy yourself when you feel down. Do you spend money to make yourself try to feel better? If so, and it likely is, find things to do that help and don’t cost money. I learned this when I traveled to 50 countries in 12 years. That costs a lot of money, so when I was able to do things for free I found them and did them.

4. Sit down with your partner and lay it out on the table, the good, the bad and the ugly. Generals in a war want all the information they can get, that way they can make a plan to win. If it can work in a war, it can work in a more normal situation also. Assemble the facts and develop a winning strategy.

5. After getting some help; either from books, credit counselors, WRITE IT OUT!! You and your partner agree on it and follow it like it is going to save your relationship, because it likely will. If you are normal somewhere during the debt recovery process you will want to go on a spending binge, refer to #3 and hold off. I promise you once you have lived a while debt free and start gaining wealth you won’t want to go back to your days of debt and you may never experience the pain of divorce. Be smart to be wealthy.

In California, a 730 evaluation can be described as an in-depth study and analysis of a family, their children, and the relationships within the family in the context of a child custody and/or visitation dispute. A 730 evaluation is also known as a child custody evaluation or child custody investigation. 730 evaluations are specific to California in that the number “730″ refers to the California Evidence Code Section 730 under which it is ordered.

In legal terms, California Evidence Code Section 730 states:

“When it appears to the court, at any time before or during the trial of an action, that expert evidence is or may be required by the court or by any party to the action, the court on its own motion or on motion of any party may appoint one or more experts to investigate, to render a report as may be ordered by the court, and to testify as an expert at the trial of the action relative to the fact or matter as to which the expert evidence is or may be required. The court may fix the compensation for these services, if any, rendered by any person appointed under this section, in addition to any service as a witness, at the amount as seems reasonable to the court. Nothing in this section shall be construed to permit a person to perform any act for which a license is required unless the person holds the appropriate license to lawfully perform that act.”

A 730 evaluation is typically conducted by a “child custody evaluator,” also known as a 730 evaluator or custody evaluator. The 730 evaluator will play the role of the investigator and look closely at the family dynamics so he/she can provide the court with a 730 evaluation report as evidence to help the court find the best possible arrangement that reflects the overall best interest of the child. The 730 evaluation report may be oral or written and the 730 evaluator may be called to testify or cross-examined at trial.

A 730 evaluation is generally ordered for a specific purpose and usually within high-conflict or complicated child custody cases where expert evidence is required. Before agreeing to a 730 evaluation you will want to discuss your particular case with a family law attorney in your area to help you learn whether or not a 730 evaluation is the right approach for you.

Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston give Mike Tyson a run for his money in the “Jack up your life in the 90s contest”. Chalky lips and all, these two were the poster children for what you don’t want your kids to become when they grow up. What was most ironic was that everyone thought that Bobby was corrupting Whitney, who does an amazing “church girl with the raspy voice” imitation. But church girls don’t usually know that “crack is whack”, and they don’t get caught hauling weed onto an airplane. Well, at least she didn’t have box cutters and shaving cream; people who smoke weed don’t usually have the motivation to hijack an airplane.

They were once young and attractive, now they look old and tired. They were once beautiful songbirds, now they just look like jailbirds. Life is getting harsh for these two, and it could get harsher as the “King of R&B” (haha) and his weed-tottin ex-babymama find themselves on the other side of a nasty divorce.

Besides learning that crack is whack, we can learn other lessons from Whitney’s confessions. Drugs and bad relationships have huge personal and financial consequences. As a Finance Professor who teaches students Personal Finance on a regular basis, I thought I would “peep game” and take a quick visit to the Bobby-Whitney School of Life to see what we can all learn from their experience:

Lesson 1: Watch who you decide to marry

The wrong partner may not only ruin you financially, they can also take away other valuable assets beyond money, such as your reputation, well-being and peace of mind. As young as they think they are, their latest pictures show skin of leather and more wrinkles than a wet Barbara Bush. These two people spent the best years of their lives with someone that they may not have wanted to be with. That’s more painful than losing cash.

Lesson 2: Determine if your partner has a financial venereal disease

I created a test for the Financial Irresponsibility Virus (FIV). If you or your partner has a positive score, you are FIV positive. Destructive financial habits such as drugs or alcohol make it very easy to become FIV positive. I am not one to say that the drug rumors are true. But if there were drugs in this relationship, that is a quick way to end up in the poor house.

Lesson 3: Size does matter (meaning the size of your partner’s bank account) - but too much size can be a pain

Some people are excited to have a mate who is well-endowed (financially), but sometimes you are rewarded on the front end but punished on the back. All that extra bling in their account can dull the shine on your smile when you get out of bed every morning. Your partner should make you wealthy in many ways, not just financially.

Lesson 4: Don’t spend your time with an enabler of your financially destructive habits.

If you overeat, overspend, or gamble too much, then it might not make sense to “hook up” with someone who does the same thing. You might be as happy as two pigs in a mud puddle, but when the piper comes to collect payment, the payment will be eternal. Find someone who complements you and improves you, not someone who accentuates the parts of you that happen to be most destructive.

Bobby and Whitney have performed a valuable service. By watching them jack up their lives, it has reminded me that my life is not so bad. Perhaps one day, Bobby will rise back to the top of the charts, and Whitney will once again be cranking out number one hits. Yeah, you’re right. Even I thought that last line was funny.

Copyright 2006 Dr. Boyce Watkins

If you are thinking about a divorce or your spouse has already filed for a divorce, it is a good idea to get an attorney. This is something that you should do to protect yourself. You will have a lot of questions and you will defiantly need to have answers. You need to be made aware of all the possible outcomes and do what you need to in order to protect your future.

There is always the option of representing yourself in a divorce proceeding. However, this is not always the recommendation. If there are serious questions involved like children or assets, it is better to have the assistance of an attorney. The attorney can represent only one of the parities involved. If you are not able to afford an attorney, the judge may seek assistance for you from your spouse.

One reason to get an attorney for a divorce proceeding is because there may be spousal support involved. This is called alimony. Depending on the length of time you were married, the age and health of the parties involved, and the ability for one of the parties to earn income and maintain the marital standard of living, the court may order support paid by one spouse to another. This is different question from child support.

Spousal support can be for a limited time period or for an indefinite period depending on the circumstances. It can be reviewed if there is a significant change in the circumstances of either the former spouse. If the spousal support question is waived, then the party giving up the support may not ever come back to ask the court to award it again.

You may also want to have an attorney to protect pensions and retirement accounts. Pensions and retirement are marital property and it can be divided in a divorce. They can be given a present value based on the kind of pension and the parties’ rights to receive an income from that pension. Usually the court system is fair in this decision, but an attorney will fight for your rights and make sure that your side of the fight is heard.

If you are not happy with the attorney that you have hired, you should defiantly talk to them about it. Explain your case and make them understand why you are not happy with their work. If you cannot work out the situation with your attorney, you do have the right to find another attorney at any point in the game.

When you learn that you are going to be getting divorced, it may be have been coming for a long time or it may come as a complete surprise. Either way, there are certain things that you can do for yourself, your children, and your finances. This does not mean that you have to take all of your bank accounts and all that you have and wipe them out.

You have to take the responsible interests throughout the marriage so that you can protect yourself and all that you before and after if the marriage ever dissolves. There are ways that you can act reasonably while you are protecting your interests. These are only precautions that you will need to take care of if the divorce is not being ended amicably.

Depending on how well you and your spouse can get along at the time of the divorce, you may choose not to act on some of the suggestions that are given. You may decide that you and your spouse can work arrangements for everything without arguing. Whenever possible, try and make everything go as well and as easy as you can.

You should always get an attorney when you are heading towards divorce. They will make sure that you are taking the necessary precautions so that you can protect what you have and all the assets you have accumulated during the marriage.

Try and protect all of your own personal property that you have accumulated over the years. You need to move papers and documents so that you are the only one that knows where they are. If you must present them at a court hearing then you must do so. However, you need to make sure that you can keep all of your valuables safe so that you have a better chance at keeping them throughout the divorce.

Once of the best things that you can do before you decide to get married, is make sure that you know the person. Get to know them for a long period before you decide to take the big step into marriage. You have to be able trust so that you can feel good about marrying them. Have a long engagement so that you can see if the person changes any. If so, you may want to get out of the relationship before you decide to marry. This could be the best thing for both of you.

If one person does not want to get a divorce, but one party in the relationship does and it is a no fault divorce, then the spouse cannot stop the divorce. This is called an irreconcilable difference and is a justification for divorce.

A spouse can prevent a fault divorce by convincing the court that he or she is not at fault. This is something that they would have to prove and it is up to the judge to decide. There are other additional ways to defend a divorce from happening may also be a choice for some situations.

If a person who condones that a spouse is having an affair files for a divorce, the spouse may contest the fault divorce by arguing that the spouse knew of the affair and condoned the action. This is one way for a person to defend himself or herself in court.

Connivance is the setting up of a situation so that the other person commits something to jeopardize the marriage. One type of situation to explain is if a women sets up her husband in situation where he is alone with his mistress. This is known as a set up and it is an argument that one can make in court to defend their actions.

Provocation is the inciting of a spouse to do a certain act. If a spouse is suing for divorce and claims that the other spouse abandoned them, the other spouse might defend their suit because they were provoked by the abandonment. Collusion is if a couple lives in a state where no fault divorce requires that the couple separate for a time and the couple doe not want to prolong the situation. This may lead the couple to mislead the court and pretend that one of them was at fault just to get out of the marriage.

These above defenses are not usually used for a few different reasons. Proving a defense may require witnesses and involve a lot of time and expense. Your efforts will usually bring nothing to the situation. Chances are that a court will eventually grant the divorce. A person should not have to stay married if they do not wish too. The law is designed to give people the opportunity to get out of the marriage if that is what he or she really wants to do. If you are involved in a marriage that you don’t want to be in any longer, the process can be hard to get through, but you can make a divorce really happen, and put an end to the marriage.